But I just can’t bear it when so-called serious journalism twists itself into pretzel claiming that the story is really “important” because it violated some sacrosanct “value” and therefore it is in the public interest to show pictures of hot babes on a loop and endlessly ruminate publicly about sex. (After which, without a pause, they rend their garments over how all this will affect the children.) The Tiger story is particularly grotesque because they are having such a hard time justifying their overwrought, prurient interest that they are reduced to fulminating about how he is despoiling his brand like anyone in their right mind should give a damn about such a stupid thing.


I would just note that when your “brand” is worth (according to one article I saw) a cool three-quarters of a billion-with-a-B, then it really isn’t all that irrational to be worried about tarnishing it. And let me reiterate that I find this interesting for the fact that even that astronomical sum of money, worldwide adulation and an überfrau who looks like she was assembled to exacting specifications at some Nordic Hot Babe factory wasn’t enough to make Tiger feel that the grass couldn’t possibly get any greener. Students of human nature, take note.

But what’s this? You think this tawdry spectacle didn’t violate some important value? Au contraire, mon frère! Expecting hapless celebrities to serve as repositories of our projections or conduits for our feel-good affirmations is as American as cruise missiles! His job was simply to stand there and keep grinning that huge post-racial grin, a charismatic, young, mixed-race guy who succeeded beyond anyone’s wildest expectations in the quintessential domain of stuffy old white men, a mirror to reflect our self-congratulatory vanity, a shiny symbol of our hopes and dreams, and now he’s, uh – he’s…um…

Whoa. Just had a particularly vivid sense of déjà vu. Sorry. Who were we talking about?