Clearly, Heywood J. has not been reading the comments at some of the big pwogwessive blogs, or he would know that Hillary would have been the true pwogwessive president, and she wouldn’t have sold us out and let us down the way Obama has, no sir!

Indeed. You have to ask yourself. So let’s do exactly that. Iran is surrounded by three huge nuclear powers — Russia to the north, and India and Pakistan to the east. And Iraq, occupied by a couple hundred thousand Americans, to its west. And leading American politicians constantly threatening, sanctioning, or threatening to sanction. Not to mention the surge of Jebus rifles (and Jebus Predator drones) in Afghanistan.

So they are quite literally surrounded by much larger, historically aggressive entities. Does it even need to be said how completely unacceptable, how unthinkable such a situation would be here?

Of course it’s unthinkable! We worship the correct God! I mean, duh! He wouldn’t allow such a fate to befall us!

At least the obnoxious polemic, no better than the crude red-meat rhetoric Sarah Palin tosses to her gibbering throng, should be countered.

Yeah, but how? The issue du jour for our sorta-leftists seems to be that some upcoming History Channel miniseries is going to be unfair to JFK, oh noes!

Suddenly, it came to me. James Cameron, if you’re done soaking up the accolades for Dances with Blue Pocahontas, our country needs you. You’re the only man who can create a popcorn thriller (though I’m thinking a project of this scope and importance needs to be a trilogy) based on the idea of, say, the new Sino-Persian empire invading and occupying Canada and Mexico. The United States, meanwhile, has collapsed into bankruptcy after China cut up Uncle Sam’s credit card, and the subsequent brain drain has left us with no one capable of operating our high-tech defense capabilities. And yet, this nation of destitute peasants will still be held up as the ultimate threat to world security by the straight-out-of-central-casting evil world leaders who can barely keep from laughing up their sleeves during their speeches to the U.N. at the absurdity of it all. No Red Dawn-style feel-good moments either; more like 1984, with a hopeless sense of a boot stomping on a human face forever. Having been forced to consider what sort of position so many of our official enemies have found themselves in, American theatergoers will return home pensive and full of regret, having been forced out of their narcissistic cocoons into awareness of their own history, determined to keep from ever acting that way again.

Or, you could just use some of your kajillions of dollars to put books like these in every high-school history classroom across the country. Your call.