It just starts feeling a little like overkill the 8 billionth time you see a story in a men’s magazine, written by a woman, declaring definitively that “skill beats size every time.” And it’s yet another opportunity to take the whole “it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean” thing to the extreme of putting down dudes who have a little more going on in the briefs-filling department. I may not have slept with everybody yet, but as far as I can tell, there’s no more correlation between being sexually “lazy” and penis size than there is between having big feet and penis size. Anybody who’s been around the block even a bit can acknowledge that penises, like snowflakes, are all different, and it follows that larger ones happen to feel different in the trenches. And the truth is that when women get together, they have been known to describe their partners in the universal language of holding their palms several inches apart and nodding appreciatively. Now you know.
While we can agree that the human penis is an organ of display, the display is intended not for women but for other men. Other facts confirm the role of a large penis as a threat or status display toward other men. Recall all the phallic art created by men for men, and the widespread obsession of men with their penis size. Evolution of the human penis was effectively limited by the length of the female vagina: a man’s penis would damage a woman if it were significantly larger. However, I can guess what the penis would look like if this practical constraint were removed and men could design themselves. It would resemble the penis sheaths (phallocarps) used as male attire in some areas of New Guinea where I do fieldwork. Phallocarps vary in length (up to two feet), diameter (up to four inches), shape (curved or straight), angle made with the wearer’s body, color (yellow or red) and decoration (e.g. a tuft of fur at the end). Each man has a wardrobe of several sizes and shapes from which to choose each day, depending on his mood that morning.