And It Is True What You Said, That I Live Like a Hermit in My Own Head

I’m a man who likes to be alone

I’m a man who likes to think alone

I don’t want to be the type of guy

Who lives alone, reading books, and never eats a pizza pie

– The Beta Band

But I’m a creep

I’m a weirdo

What the hell am I doin’ here?

I don’t belong here

– Radiohead

The creep has the respect of the geek, but cannot — usually by choice — enter geek society. The creep can even be social with nerds and non-nerds alike, but if you meet a creep you will feel an impenetrable wall around him. There are, obviously, far fewer creeps than geeks. The creep is usually a man of few words —that’s part of what makes him creepy. The creep is a creature of extremes: for instance, the creep is more likely than other nerds to be a complete teetotaler, but the creep is also more likely to be a severe alcoholic. The creep may have a mild autism-spectrum disorder, such as Asperger’s. The creep is far more likely than the geek to be politically conservative. Libertarianism is an especially popular political sympathy among creeps. The overwhelming majority of creeps are male, though there are anecdotal accounts of female creeps.

Identifying characteristics

Distant, scary look in eyes. Otherwise, most creeps dress and behave much like ordinary people. Creeps usually have no sense of humor: they do not tell jokes or laugh, unless to express derision.

Mating habits

We’re not saying it has never happened, but there has never been a confirmed incident of a creep having sex with another creep. However, the male creep may sometimes have a certain sexual allure to female nerds and non-nerds alike. Often the creep seems entirely asexual—or worse, to have secret sexual proclivities far “kinkier” than the silly and self-congratulatory “kink” of the dork.

Where to find them

Your IT department; houses with Ron Paul campaign signs on lawns; suspiciously sitting alone at unusual times of day in public parks.

Quintessential creep

Theodore Kaczynski, AKA the “Unabomber”