I’m laid low with a bad case of food poisoning (Chinese takeout). My goals for today are modest: spend most of my time dozing in the comforting embrace of painkillers, and maybe have a bowl of soup. Regular programming will resume when I return to the land of the living.

From Tuesday afternoon to Wednesday evening, I lost eight pounds simply by my body violently ejecting everything that wasn’t nailed down inside of me. Maybe if I can catch the flu later this season as well, I’ll have my bikini body all ready to go for warm weather!
What is it with hospital waiting rooms keeping the TV tuned to Fox News? Nothing quite like sitting there shivering, aching and moaning like a junkie going through withdrawal as you watch G. Gordon Liddy tell you to invest all your money in gold and the news anchors debate just how much of a Communist Jared Loughner is.