This, Then, Is the Mark of the Man, the Beard

A full beard is a sign of the robust mountain man… Second, a bearded man is an honest man by choice and not by circumstance… The bearded man knows he can avoid liability for any untruths. He can hide behind his muttonchops, and no one would be the wiser. But he chooses to have his words mimic his heart. His beard lends him conviction. Third, a beard is also the sign of patience and commitment in a man… Fourth, a beard represents confidence and individuality. A man who grows a beard is a man who is sure of himself. A man who grows a beard is not afraid to stand alone. He does not let himself be swayed by the opinions of his wife (“Oh, no honey, not a beard!”) or of American pop culture. A bearded man knows what he wants and sets out to get it… So, in a moment of half-seriousness, let me say that it seems that so many trail-blazing individuals throughout history have born beards. From literary giants like Allen Ginsberg, Ernest Hemingway, and Walt Whitman, to business visionaries like Andrew Carnegie to the entirety of the Impressionistic Art movement… Of course only bearded men can be artists. They have to fashion that facial hair every morning into something presentable, a challenge and a pleasure that the devilish clean-shaven man will never know… And my final point: a bearded man has the perfect paradoxical relationship between raw instinct and careful cultivation… And only a man with a beard can combine the bohemian and the bourgeoisie in a manner that we can read upon his face. Literally.