You should already know that I’m a fellow who takes his Halloween seriously. And so I must ask: who the fuck decided that garish purple should take the place of toxic, radioactive green as one of the official Halloween colors? You still see plenty of stores selling strings of orange lights, but green ones are an Internet-only product, it seems. Replaced by purple. What’s eerie or scary about that? Have you ever seen purple slime? Or a purple glow from a witch’s cauldron? This is just an insult. Get me a spot on Fox so I can talk about the War on Halloween, goddammit.