This tickled my absurdity funny bone. So, to recap:

• Man becomes a viral Internet sensation by holding up a sign at a football game asking for Venmo donations to help him buy Busch Light beer

• Man unexpectedly raises a million dollars, decides to donate the money to a children’s hospital

• Busch Light and Venmo, attracted by the scent of P.R., vow to match his donation

• Newspaper profile uncovers man’s former racist tweets

• Busch Light parent company slams on the brakes, throws it into reverse, disassociates itself from man while still promising to match the pledge of his tainted racist money

• Newspaper criticized by readers for offensively publishing man’s original racist tweets in the profile

• Newspaper reporter’s own racist tweet history uncovered, newspaper commences investigation

I hope you understand when I say that at this point, I’m sort of hoping for the children’s hospital to be found problematic as well. Not because I’m a black-hearted scoundrel (not entirely at least), but just because it would be the perfect harmonic resolution of this farcical chord progression. It’s all about the artistic symmetry of the thing, you see.