These clever Hasidic kids decided to turn their carnival into a “Justice for George Floyd” rally and now the NYPD cannot break it up.
Tonight’s Justice for George Floyd Shabbat Services are sure to be interesting as well.
— Dr. Jake K. Turx, NhD (not an actual doctor) (@JakeTurx) June 5, 2020
I smile to imagine anthropologists in the 32nd century trying to piece together the origins of the Floydians, an obscure mystery cult that arose centuries earlier with astonishing rapidity during the collapse of Western civilization to collect billions of adherents. Unfortunately, people of that era communicated primarily in a strange form of hieroglyphics called “emojis,” which were not designed for expressing complex, abstract ideas, but from what they’ve been able to reconstruct, the anthropologists believe that this “Floyd” was some sort of minor prophet who was executed by the state. Outbreaks of St. Vitus’s Dance rapidly spread throughout the West as his followers, believing that he had sacrificed himself in order to reconcile the warring racial tribes, gathered en masse hoping to resurrect him, thus fatally infecting themselves with the virus raging worldwide at the time. A minority of scholars, however, argue that references to “Floyd” predate the civilization-ending plague by several decades, in which he is, with curious specificity, described as “pink.” The god is said to have appeared to his followers in the form of a giant floating pig during ritualistic musical performances where psychedelic substances were ingested, making testimony somewhat unreliable, though Floydians today still use the word “pigs” as an epithet toward armed agents of the state, for reasons unclear. We’ll almost certainly never know the full story.