jests japes jokes jollies
Well, they should be furious!
Really, though, as amusing as it is to watch Republicans occupy themselves with such momentuous issues, I’m actually more looking forward to another round of netroots grumbling over what a terrible, terrible insult it is to drop the “-ic” from “Democratic”. See, I’ve been told, in the utmost seriousness, that calling it the “Democrat party” is a way of emphasizing the sound of the word “rat”…which oh noes is going to make the voting public think we’re a party of dirty sewer-crawling rats!!!!!
Somehow, though, this doesn’t lead anyone to the conclusion that identifying individuals as Democrats will have that effect. So:
“Democrat Nancy Pelosi” – good!
“Democrat party member and House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi” – bad!
That speaks for itself, doesn’t it? I’m too busy snickering and shaking my head to find anything funny to add to that.
Funny post on a subject near and dear to my heart, foul fucking language.
I honestly can’t stand those lame attempts to write the curse without actually writing it. “Look here! I know a cuss word, but I’m too genteel to use it. Ha!” Then why the fuck even bring it up? If you can’t or won’t use the word, why even type a small part of it? Search deep into your vast language resources and find something else to replace it altogether. Is that how you say them when you speak? “Oh, sh-exclamation point-teh!” “F-asterisk percent sign-K you!” Really? Somehow I doubt that.
I just saw a comment about Arlen Specter somewhere the other day, where the writer wished death upon him in a few different ways, but then bowdlerized the word fuck with a punctuation mark. Because saying that would have been crass, I guess.
So, I’m reading some of the latest installments of my favorite online soap opera — you know, the one where America the InnocentandVirtuous is in danger of losing her soul to the forces of evil again? Yeah, I know, that’s how every episode goes, but this time it’s about the torture issue. Anyway, as always, there’s lots of anguished wailing and rending of garments, lots of histrionics about the razor’s edge between salvation and damnation, centered on an exchange between Chris Matthews and Harold Ford. Digby treats it with gravity as she always has, but I also find a link to Atrios, who, I remind you, is one of the biggest liberal bloggers there is.
How does the former economist with a Ph.D. summarize this solemn issue of the utmost moral urgency? By bestowing a “Wanker of the Day” award upon Ford. I bet he’s losing sleep over that one. Boy, nothing shows your serious moral bona fides like calling someone a meatbeating, pudwhacking, five-knuckle-shuffling crankyanker! And to think, the dude makes a living at blogging. I almost expect him to start posting videos of himself wearing a bulbous red nose and giant floppy shoes, squirting people with seltzer water.
Seriously, this would be like hearing a famous piece of dramatic music — Ride of the Valkyries, O Fortuna, Tocatta & Fugue in D Minor, perhaps — punctuated at certain points by a slide whistle. Incongruent to say the least.
One does kind of have to admire the balancing act being attempted here: make God transcendent and ineffable enough to remain above criticism and rejection, yet actual and specific enough to actually mean, you know, something instead of nothing. But even the big guns like Aquinas sound more like the Mad Hatter when called into service:
“God is what sustains all things in being by his love, and … is the reason why there is something instead of nothing, the condition of possibility of any entity whatsoever.”
Hm. Maybe it’s better if you’re high. Anyway…
(Eagleton) describes Jesus as a Jewish “lifestyle revolutionary” who urged his followers to love their enemies, give away their possessions, and leave their dead unburied, who expressed his love and solidarity for whores, criminals and other “shit of the earth” (the phrase is Paul’s), and was tortured and killed for it.
Such a figure, Eagleton suggests, represents “the truth of history,” and those who deny it “are likely to adopt some bright-eyed superstition such as the dream of untrammeled human progress,” a naive Enlightenment ideal expressed in our time by the likes of Ditchkins. […] And what are the greenhouse effect and the melting of the glaciers, if not artifacts of the Enlightenment?
So… the “truth of history” is to be a (quite possibly insane) apocalyptic prophet/cult leader preaching the imminent end of the world and violent retribution to all his enemies (“a man who preached a message of love”, according to O’Hehir, after having accused Dawkins and Hitchens of knowing nothing of the beliefs they attack. Luke 14:26, anyone?) and anyone who disagrees is superstitious? And the apparent answer to problems such as global warming, caused by science and technology, is not further application of reason and science, but a retreat into some discount-store Joseph Campbell mythological wankery? You know, I don’t really have anything to add to that.
Yes, fellows, I know it’s embarrassing to have the overwhelming majority of believers insist on a God that actually answers prayers and provides a literal, eternal paradise, but they’re the only reason anyone has to take this garbage seriously in the first place. The irony being that one of the most common accusations hurled at the New Atheists is of being condescending and dismissive of something so important to so many people; yet here are people like Eagleton and O’Hehir brushing them all off as, well, literal-minded rubes who aren’t privy to the secret, esoteric knowledge necessary to appreciate the Almighty.
Hey, assholes, the Gnostics lost, get over it.
During an appearance on the Glen Beck radio show he promised that if things get any worse from his point of view he may “run for president of Texas.” The martial artist/actor/activist claims that Texas was never formally a part of the United States in the first place and that if rebellion is to come through secession Texas would lead the way.
He continues; calling on a second American Revolution; “…we’ve bastardized the First Amendment, reinterpreted America’s religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life.
How much more will Americans take? When will enough be enough? And, when that time comes, will our leaders finally listen or will history need to record a second American Revolution?
Personally, I think we should sell Texas back to Mexico before this happens (it’s something we should do on general principle anyway; this just makes it more imperative). Let Mr. Skintight Jeans fight the drug cartels for his independence.
It’s funny seeing comments on a liberal blog like Digby’s that buy into the idea that a bunch of beer-bellied yahoos with hunting rifles are going to fight off the government when they come to round us all up for re-education camp for whatever reason. Not as funny as hearing Wayne LaPierre (wonder what the NRA rank-and-file think of that Frenchie name) remix Mao’s famous slogan about power and the barrel of a gun, but still funny nonetheless.
At a time when technology wasn’t much more advanced than cannons and muskets, it made sense for a young, weak nation with hostile natives on one side and an angry empire on the other to see value in the idea of citizen militias where every able-bodied adult knew how to use a gun (though the idea that ordinary people could perform just as well in actual battle as trained soldiers didn’t last very long). Two and a half centuries later, though, if the state wants to annihilate you, well, you’re as good as dead. Sorry, that’s just how it is. Maybe you Wolverines-wannabes should stop stroking this apocalyptic death wish fantasy of yours where you have to live in caves taking potshots at army troops while stockpiling first-aid kits, 55-gallon drums of rice and beans, and bartering with rolls of toilet paper, and just keep on working with the imperfect system we have to keep things from ever getting to that point.
Besides, get the fuck real. Why would it ever come to that? Why would the government ever feel the need to crack down in such a heavy-handed way? We are talking about the same sedentary, bovine American populace here, aren’t we? Is someone planning to outlaw beer, porn, potato chips and cigarettes? Because there isn’t a whole lot else that would ever get this nation off the sofa and marching down the street with pitchforks. We just learned what kind of tyrannical administration we had been living under for the past eight years, and this news was greeted with a collective…yawn. Like Matt Taibbi said about the 9/11 Truthers, this kind of thing would only be necessary in a nation where the people were actually a threat to govern themselves.
Thanks – I think – to Scott for reminding me how mortifying yet sublime it is to see Doug “I Am All That is Man” Giles have his way with the English language. This column isn’t even his “best” work, but it reminds me that I need to check in with the Metrosexual Ted Nugent more often.
I was going to make a crack about how he mixes metaphors, but then I thought, no, “mix” can’t really do justice to what it is Giles actually does. After all, doesn’t “mix” seem pretty harmless, or even beneficial? Don’t you think of things like CDs or recipes, where mixing different ingredients leads to something even better?
No, this is something far more malevolent and sinister. It’s like…Doug is the fog on the information superhighway that causes fifty-metaphor pileups. He should call his column “Giles Mountain” with warning signs telling you to turn on your lights and watch for slow-moving vehicles. Besides, a mountain has a vaguely phallic image about it, and we all know how much Doug loves to stress what a heterosexual, macho, non-gay, 100% U.S.D.A. red-meat, un-swishy, predatory testosterone factory he is.
Some days you write the posts, and other days…well, it’s like Ed McMahon shows up at your door with a big gift-wrapped box with a shiny bow on top. You find a silver platter inside. Upon which sits a post like this, already written and ready to go:
Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party’s principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”
The RNC’s first black chairman will “surprise everyone” when updating the party’s image using the Internet and advertisements on radio, on television and in print, he told The Washington Times.
Could it be? Will he finally reveal the secret of why he’s never been seen in the same place at the same time as Shock G?
I’ve been called gay for many things, being vegetarian not the least among them. I think it’s just that for your average troglodyte, “gay” is the catchall term for anything different. All alternative roads lead to Gaytown. Homosexuality is the sea level, and any behavior that doesn’t fit the mainstream is a tributary feeding into it. I’ve been called a fag for having long hair, having earrings, reading books, listening to certain styles of music, being extremely taciturn, preferring world football to the American version, getting along better with women than men, and insisting that I don’t find the typical blond bimbo supermodel attractive. My own parents wondered if I were gay since I spent a lot of time alone as a teenager instead of chasing skirts – not hanging out exclusively with guys or anything, just keeping to myself. Whuddayagonnado?
These days, I just point out that since I’m not a reactionary, I don’t have any hangups about it and would be out and proud if that were the case; it’s only the right-wingers who have to sit in those dark closets loathing themselves.