Head, meet desk. Head, desk. HeadeskheaddeskheaddeskjesuswhatafuckingMORON.

If you only go around once, then the main thing is to have fun. If you start by admitting that from cradle to tomb it isn’t that long of a stay, then life is a cabaret, old chum, and so, by the way, is Wall Street. There is a bumper sticker favored by some of the recently rich that proclaims “he who dies with the most toys wins.” This is indeed the moral philosophy of those who believe that death is the final closing bell. Materialism, hedonism and Stairmasters are what people do until the clock stops ticking.

Hey, fuckwit, ever heard of Epicurus?

Back to our wretched economy. We are in this sorry state because those managing our production and our wealth are in many cases free from moral constraint.

Sort of true, but not in the way he means. Actually, we’re in it because of thirty years of deregulatory fever,which, though bipartisan (thanks for repealing Glass-Steagall, Bill!), was primarily sponsored by the party that prattles on endlessly about, um, morals and values and Jeebus. If you want to argue that they aren’t really true Christians because they don’t interpret an ancient book of fortune cookie sayings the same way you do, if you want to put on your Grand Inquisitor robes and go root out all the impure people corrupting the faith, well, then go on with your bad self already! If you need me, I’ll be over here not giving the faintest fuck.

When people believed in heaven and hell, there was no doubt as to the preferred destination. The point of life was to build a stairway to paradise. Which doesn’t mean that everyone behaved perfectly. The world was a very cruel place. But most people did treat others better than they might have, especially as they grew older, because they really did believe in a Judgment Day.

Wait, “most” people did treat others better than they “might have”? Where did this specifically vague assertion come from, other than somewhere far up your colon? It sure wasn’t from history. And let me make sure I have this — monotheism gets the credit for humans not existing purely to murder and torture each other for fun? Animals don’t have religion either, you stupid motherfucker, and they don’t even act like that. And are you aware that “belief in the afterlife” is by no means a simple thing to summarize?

Perhaps the answer is a leader who speaks to our shared values. We are individuals, but if we can also see ourselves as part of a whole, we can put down our toys and concern ourselves with that whole, which will go on forever.

Hey, fuckwit, ever heard of Buddhism? Or even Taoism?

Anyway, what this idiot seems unable to grasp is that this absurd caricature he uses, this image of a guy furiously rutting at orgies every day while trying to jab a syringe into his arm without dropping the turkey leg he’s frantically devouring, is based in fear. Someone who acted anything like that would be betraying a fear of death that probably doesn’t apply to people who have thought long and hard about God, the universe, and the nature of consciousness, only to conclude that there is no “you” when the brain shuts down and the heart stops beating, and that your thoughts and feelings don’t exist independently of the brain and sensory organs that gave rise to them to begin with. The only reason for someone to worry about death would be for the sake of any dependents they’re leaving behind. And as the previously-mentioned Epicurus knew thousands of years ago, immediate sensual gratification is not the only kind of enjoyment, and maybe not even the best kind. Scintillating conversations with good friends, contemplation of art, and yes, even the inherent pleasure in helping others and making them happy – unrelated to any self-serving ulterior motive, such as the desire for a reward from a deity – are all good enough. What a pathetic, shallow, limited mind someone must have to not understand that.

Frankly, I’m always glad to hear from these people who automatically assume, like Dostoevsky, that “without God, everything is permitted!” I like to keep one eye on bastards like that, because this transparent projection tells me that the only thing keeping them from indulging those barbaric appetites is fear of cosmic retribution, so should they ever lose their faith, make sure to never turn your back on them.