The Alabama Supreme Court has upheld a state statute prohibiting masturbation by artificial means. But if the state can protect the right of its citizens to own guns as an important liberty, how is it that devices for masturbation are prohibited?

Digital Journal

Because sexual enjoyment is evil whereas shooting people with guns and taking their property is what made this country great, duh.

Also in self-pollution news, nine hours and thirty-three minutes? Dude’s my hero. I bet he couldn’t wait for a generic “Hey, how was your day?” from an acquaintance.

Sheriff of Rottingham: That’s going to chafe my willy!