Just in case the rumors are true, and we will all be visited by Obama’s medical bureaucrat-assassins in order to inform them how we wish to die, I figure it can’t hurt to make a statement for the record, right here, right now. For all I know, maybe there are limited opportunities available for certain arrangements, and I don’t want to procrastinate on something so important. All y’all can be my witnesses, too. All right? Ready? Here it is:

I want to die by means of a lethal, heart-stopping orgasm (to be induced by a partner of my choosing, yet to be determined) while on a heroin high.

Is it official now?